5 Simple Ways to Help You Say No

Courtesy of Lesly Juarez from Unsplash.com
Mind what you give in to.

For the kind-hearted and generous souls, it is difficult to say no to something. Many often feel like they must please someone for fear of letting down. But the question is, how about your comfort, health, and priorities. Sometimes it is not about the selfless nature in you, as you may be utterly damaging yourself. How can you live a fulfilling life if you are putting so much pressure on yourself? 

Well, that is pretty much me for the longest time. For the past three months, I have taken a leaf of actually saying no. It wasn't easy at first, but I forcefully put this affirmation in mind that it is not my purpose to make someone happy. This phrase might sound harsh, but it is very relevant in such circumstances. The statement could be overrated as people assume that you should always be there for those who need you. Yeah, the latter is true. And indeed, this is something you will gladly do. But pressing matters like work, inconveniencing meetups, showing up nicely to those who hurt you is something else.  

Turning Point

For me, it has to do with work and probably being good at the annoying ones. For meetups, I am good at turning them down. When I started freelancing, I thought this was an excellent opportunity after a long time of job seeking and financial problems. Yeah, I was happy, like everyone else, and I swore not to take the long-term gig for granted. I did everything my superior would ask me to do at any time of day or night. It included sleepless nights writing, and with time, it was just too much. I felt tired and tried.

I was saved by a two-weeks simple project that presented itself. I had to make a tough decision out of it. I was in a dilemma for quite some time, my mind trying to convince me that I am making a mistake while a part of me was in dire need to break from the overwhelms. And yeah, my superior would not just allow me to take a leave to idle while there was workflow. I had to explain my way out, and yeah, mentioning the project.

The Outcome

It was not easy knowing how disappointing and inconveniencing I was, but I needed the break. I, of course, thought of the consequence that I may lose the gig, but God is faithful; I came back and resumed. The move meant taking a turn. I now never accept work when I am tired, or that would require me to stay up all night, bearing in mind I was awake all day. 

Many get used to saying yes to circumstances such as yes, I'll meet that deadline, yes, I’ll make that thing happen, make a wonderful family dinner, respond to everything that annoys me, and so on. Here are simple things you can do to say no. 

5 Simple Ways to Help You Say No

1. Figure out What Matters to You

It would help if you had a personal by It would help if you had a personal meeting with yourself and question out loud what matters to you. Find out whether something is of value to you, contributing to your overall well-being, whether it's love or worthwhile. Then, your heart will allow you to make room for what matters.

2. Keep it Short and Graceful.

While rejecting something, keep it short. Do not over-explain yourself as it will seem too defensive, and you might get lost in your words and complicate things. No is a complete statement. Expand when needed but still, keep it short.

Again, no doesn’t mean violence. You are simply looking out for yourself and for the other person too. You favor the person as they will not have their tasks delivered in less quality or inconveniencing because you don't feel like doing so. Be kind and respectful, yet be bold about it. It could be, no, I fear I cannot deliver due to other pressing matters. Sorry, it is out of my reach. 

3. Clarity

Being upfront is better than disappointing the other party or client while expecting you to deliver your promises. Avoid statements like am not sure or let me think about it, while you know you can’t make it. Avoid the delaying tactics. Trust me; you will feel better when you clear things out as you don't have to feel pressured to deliver something. If it is terrible timing, you could suggest another time, something that I have learned to implement. 

4. Turn FOMO to JOMO (Fear of Missing out to Joy of Missing out)

Rather than always trying to fit in, according to Courtney Carver of Bemorewithless blog, it would be best to honor the commitment you make to yourself. When you decline an invitation, find joy in how you decide to spend your time instead of wondering what you missed out on. Feel the satisfaction that you have a choice and because you are protecting what matters most.

5. Dump the Guilt

You need to believe in yourself and what you believe is right. So, get rid of the guilt. It will be hard at first but affirming that you are doing the right thing.

Courtesy of Felicia Buitenwerf from Unsplash.com
It's okay to say 'no.'

Take-Out:

You can best make an impact when you are willing and capable of performing. Your heart will always guide you on what is right. It will be uncomfortable, but remember that people will continue using and taking advantage of you when you keep saying yes at your inconvenience.